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How can I be single without masturbating?

I have been single most of my life and have never had sex until today – I am 30 years old. I can understand that it is difficult to live in purity. But one thing I know for sure is that it starts with your own understanding of what it means to be single, and everything else will fall in line with that.


Often in church little is said about sexuality before marriage. This is unfortunate! But I believe that it is enormously important that we understand sexuality in order to purely and properly live it out. Sexuality is God's idea. Many singles may now think, why does God give it to me and then I don't have a partner with whom I can live out my sexuality?!

God entrusts you with many things and in different times we have to learn how to deal with them responsibly. Even as a single person, your sexuality is a gift if you know how to deal with it in a healthy way and remove any stumbling blocks.


Every time you consume pornography or masturbate, your body releases lots of hormones. Your desire for these hormones grows with each consumption.


So the more you masturbate, the more you want to masturbate. A spiral of addiction develops.


The Bible describes it this way in Song of Songs 2:7: "Do not awaken love."


For a long time I believed the lie that I could live more purely and save myself from premarital sex by "controlling" my sexuality through masturbation. The opposite is true. I believe that it is much easier to be single without masturbation and to be healthy and mindful of your sex drive. Be mindful of what movies and books you are consuming and what they are doing to you.



Furthermore, I believe that being single can also be a great blessing. Use this time with wisdom. This may be the season in your life when you have the most time and can really get to know Jesus in depth. No one is telling you how to manage your use of time. If you don't waste this precious season in spirals of dependency, but discover the fullness of Jesus. This can be one of the best times in your life.


Of course, even when you're single, you have the need to be with someone. Deal with it honestly and don't just push it away. I believe that God intentionally created us for each other and we need other people in our lives. I desire for you to find the feeling of real closeness in quality friendships with those around you and not to look for it in addictions.

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