TRIAL UNIT
Unit
06
Heart wounds
NOT OUT OF MY OWN STRENGTH
I had already tried to get this burdensome curse out of my life. I even succeeded in staying away from it for a whole six months once. I was so proud of myself! But then suddenly a woman entered my life and it started all over again. I just could not get myself out of the swamp on my own strength.
The main problem was that I was only scratching the surface of the problem. I activated my spirit: it should be able to force these annoying desires my body had to obey rules and follow discipline. But that left my soul out of the equation.
Don’t get me wrong. Discipline and rules are good guiderails on the path into freedom. However, if you put all your hope in them, instead of in the power of Jesus, you are just running from one sin to the next. It is not your strength that sets you free, but that of Jesus:
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.
JOHN 8:36
God revealed to me piece by piece why I was feeding my soul with pornography. I find, this word fits best. I really was feeding my soul. I was trying to still its hunger for acceptance, love, comfort, control, safety, power, ownership, satisfaction and much more, instead of taking these needs to God. I was so dead set to accomplish this all by myself that I did not trust Jesus to be able to satisfy all these needs and deficiencies that were in me.
Of course, I asked him for forgiveness and pleaded with him again and again to free me from it. It had always been clear to me that my addiction to porn was a sin. But I never really let him be Lord over my sexuality.
Do you identify with this? Then I invite you to put your sexuality in God’s hands anew and surrender your control over it. Write a prayer to that effect here in your own words.